I find the hero vs villain retrospective is what renders most unable to reach true transcendent becoming. It's similar to jumping from fad to fad. But in this case it is the fad of one's self and their identity.
I like how you said it's in between... or neither. Because that's exactly what it is. We live in a merciless but also malice-free environment where things just are as they are, and you are as you are and there are two basic things you can do in life. You can alter your actions (which can either lead you to more harmony or away from it) or you can alter your narrative (which is to audit the level of harmony using narrative).
I believe that simply overcoming the past by either hero-ifying or -villian-izing ones past or present selves leads not to actual qualitative growth where one is 'becoming' anew but rather to being a new-fad version of the same old self with perhaps incremental improvements.